I did speed dating — for friendship . Then I realized meeting people is the easy part . Vox - dating new york city

I did speed dating — for friendship . Then I realized meeting people is the easy part . Vox

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I did speed dating — for friendship . Then I realized meeting people is the easy part .

This story is part In the story group

Interview with a firs t-person essay that captures complex problems from a unique perspective.

I don’t need to be here. friends .

It is a line that I repeatedly to myself, a line that was about to speak, and became a “friend”. speed When I participated in an event held at Washington DC earlier this year, I took an “appointment”. It is designed so that women in their 20s and 30s will not fall in love. but friendship .

Two hours, dozens of women parade me in front of me like a Golden Coral buffet. Realistic with despair and loneliness speed A TV dating event has penetrated.

I told myself. I am different from them. This is not what I need.

VOX FIRST PERSON: Why is 30 years old 10 years? friends It disappear s-And what should I do

However, in fact, the two events are approaching, regardless of if I like it.

First of all, it has become “once every 10 years” friends “Duapia” says that sociologists and psychologists are more likely to lose familiar people. friends A new study revealed that we would lose more by the age of 25. friends One writer told VOX last year.

The second is that a best friend who is both sides of the DC in my life and DC will leave the town. The official schedule has not been decided, but the reason for her departure is still the same. She fell in love.

I don’t need to be here. friends .

But how long?

Why is it difficult to make? friends in our 30s

After 30 years old, experts often do something. friends But most of us lose the best self friends People get married. There are also children. Priority changes, suddenly friendship But it’s luxurious, and even wasting time, which tends to be more and more short. It’s ironic that if you fall into a kind of love, you will miss another love.

Andrea Bonior, a psychologist and author of The FriendsHip Fix, said in a telephone interview that even if he was not married or became a parent, he would be so close. friends Because, literally I’m not so close anymore.

Because there is “close” friendships The problem is that the more you get, the more the physical distance with people will be reduced. “

He also cited the “spread of employment”, which seems to have an influence on cities like DC, and said, “It is considered that it is almost attractive to have a lot of time to go to play.”rice field. friends .”

DC is a city known for permanent, and our social infrastructure seems to be built for loneliness or at least expensive intimacy.

That’s why I was positive to participation. the speed friendship In a stylish synagogue in downtown DC, a clever namin g-known event called “Friend Request” was held. It seems that 30 seats are sold out and it is not the only one who is chasing. new friends .

Friendship is like a date: Chemistry is important

On a romantic date an easy By answering the question, you can judge whether you want to be familiar with that person. Do you want to see this person’s naked?

When you’re dating for friends That’s a little more complicated.

Friend rule speed The content of the social gathering was simple. In the first round, the moderator gave the title “What is the biggest risk so far?” And answered it in three minutes. It is up to us how to separate that three minutes. After that, the bell rings, the woman sitting inside rotates clockwise, and the woman sitting outside does not move. Readly, repeat.

You may not have had a desire to see someone’s naked, but I knew it like a coming out. friendship It’s something that depends on compatibility, which most of the spinning women don’t feel.

One woman, right she is in DC, treated our interaction as a networking opportunity. When I told her where I worked, she gave me the usual reply, “I need to talk to you.”She also turned out to be an acquaintance of mine where she projected “how small the city is”. She once replied to my Craigslist ad for a roommate.

And she finally met someone who had a hidden potential through a half-hearted exchange that didn’t hurt or itch. When her best friend told her she was leaving town, she joked that I should go with her.

She said, “We also went job hunting together. I’m keeping an eye on him as an animal crime investigator.”

What is the “Survey of cattle owners”?

“I’m not sure, but you said fence climbing is a must-have skill.”

“We’ve officially got a rival”

When the peeker rang, they both thought that three minutes wasn’t enough for her. By the end of the night, I found myself in the traditionally male recruiting role, mentally organizing activities and witty pick-up lines to suggest. Should I ask for your phone number? Or was it too urgent? Wouldn’t it be better to look for activity and follow up in a few days?

After the event was over, I looked around the venue and made my final choice. The only thing I wanted to hurry was moving house.

The secret to making friends With my BFF: getting stuck in a blizzard

When I stepped into her DC for the first time as a legislative intern, I was still a young college student and was overwhelmed by the cold surroundings.

In February 2010, I was in town for six weeks when Snowmageddon hit, shutting most of the city down for several days, but failed to make any meaningful connections.. However, something unexpected happened.

In the girls’ dormitory where I lived, I was confined with about a dozen women and had nothing to do except play board games in the shared space. I tookOnly the two of them laughed at the slightly inappropriate joke. It was only for a moment, but it was enough.

At first, I didn’t want to be friends with her. However, her room was only a few meters away from mine, and I could usually hear her knocking on my door after work. However, as an introverted person, there were times when I didn’t reply because I thought I was out.

“I always knew you were there,” she finally said years later. But he understood the need.

This time, there is no physical passage that connects us or the physical proximity that ties us. We lived completely on the other side of the town, and sometimes we needed a bag to meet on the weekend. We only understood that we had experience and that it was worthwhile to create a close opportunity, even if we couldn’t easily get it. Now that it’s gone, we have something we need to learn again.

Spelling love for your wife is not something that has begun now

For female writers to treat poetry

These are the people who became our soul mate and became true love. The author of Hell, Elizabeth Gilbert, has just fallen in love with his best friend.

However, even if it is common or stale, just because there is no originality does not impair its sincere attitude. true friends Like Soulmates and spouses, you don’t go out so often. And when you lose it, it’s the friends Replace. I didn’t have enough time given.

The secret to making friends As an adult: Appendix, and obsession so easy Following the request for friendship appearance.

The secret to making friends One Friday night, when I went to a concert with a woman I was most familiar with and a woman who had swore to compete for me and an animal criminal investigator.

After all, what I felt for them was the same as many men I met on the net. They are wonderful. Interesting, smart, interesting, and successful. There was no problem at all. However, we felt that we were trying to forcibly create the intimacy that was usually formed over the years. Infrastructure that nurtures love and humor, in the blizzard, and in the snowstorm, we seemed to be lacking in the infrastructure that seemed to be not so bad.。 I spent Or, what we really need is not “close” but “stickiness”. Oriented spent There are many ways to be intimacy, but only the effort is not enough

Even if it is no longer convenient, be patient, keep hitting, and return even if it is painful. Judging that it is worth it.

When I met a new friend live, I had a very fun time alone. We drank whiskey and PBR, laughed with a couple who thought it must be a bad first date like us, and realized that it had more common points than we originally thought. However, the night was over, and when he said goodbye, it ended alone and did not try to promise to meet each other again. speed dating for love or for friendship I felt the potential and anxiety of the snow threats that had been attacked again while preparing for the cold together. our part EVA HARDER Washington DC writer. Her work is introduced in Washington Post, Salon, and Wamu 88. 5.

(And followers), please search on @harderNews on Twitter.

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First person

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