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The 30-something life crisis

The pressure of adult milestones is as long as in the modern 30s.

Rachel Friedman, 7:00 am on January 23, 2020. Quest

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A woman sitting in front of a laptop computer and putting her head under the forearm on the table.

This story is part of a group of stories called First person

Interview with a firs t-person essay that captures complex problems from a unique perspective.

Comedian Ali Won said in a special feature on Netflix’s BABY COBRA, saying, “I feel old because Kindle is becoming a sel f-development library.”

In my early 30s, my sel f-development library had a lot of advice on what to do economically, how to work well with human relationships, and how to accept uncertainty. At the age of 33, I divorced, my career as a writer did not go well, and I was wondering what would happen in the future in terms of personally and work.

I and my friends all think about having children, feel tired of raising children, seek meaning from careers, think about balance after working in their 20s, and social media. He seemed to be always guessing that others were happy, good jobs, and whether they were enjoying their good body.

Of course, this is within expectations. Even if you plan your life, you will be disturbed by your life. This is probably because the past decades have a milestone to grow up and the lack of milestone in this group.

Certainly, it’s already in the third semester of life. crisis -You dropped out of the music school, traveled abroad as a backpacker with a limited budget, and after graduating from college, “What should I do?”However, at the age of 33, I was in the middle age of waking up to the dirty “real world”. At the age of 30, I knew who I was and what I wanted to do. But that doesn’t mean that everything was going as planned. It’s completely different. It wasn’t a middl e-aged age. crisis (If there is such a thing). Maybe I got both types little by little. of crises Is converged again.

The 3 0-yea r-old “adult” milestone may seem more important for you.

In the 1920s, I was living in New York City and working with my friends on my career. I thought I had plenty of time to get married and have children. But in my thirties, something changed. Suddenly, over brunch, we’re discussing parental leave and kindergarten costs with the same timid enthusiasm we once intended to repeat bad dates.

“In 2013, it peaked at 29. 1 years for men and 27. 8 years for women, and then accelerated sharply,” said historical demographer Stephen Ruggles. But the average age at first divorce was her 30, so at least I was a decent age.

The age of having a first child varies by region and education, but in cities such as New York and San Francisco, it is 31 for a woman and 32 for her, respectively. For Americans, 30, 9. Therefore, it can be said that the number of newlyweds and new parents in their 30s is increasing more than ever.

Of course, some have been upgraded with the assumption that they will get married and have children. In my early 30s, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have children. Even when she gave birth to her son at the age of 34, she was on the younger side among her friends who were about to have their coming-of-age ceremony.

But sometimes things get complicated while you wait. Clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck sees many patients with infertility but lacks “resources to support families through physically, mentally and financially demanding treatments” and “He says he often sees men, women, and marriage tied together by a thread.

Then comes the economic pressure on relationships and biology. The average age of a first-time homebuyer is 32 (in the 1970s and her 80s she was 29). That is, if you can afford to buy a home after factoring in student loans, the gig economy and rising home prices. Chicago counselor Tara Genovese notes that for her young 30-year-old who graduated from college during the recession, “the financial milestone has been pushed back.”

And there are vague worries of people in their 30s. Nearly every therapist I spoke to via email or phone told me they weren’t meeting their expectations.

“One of the main words I hear in sessions is, ‘I should have children, I should be married by now, I should love my job.'”Meghan Bath sees a lot of people in her 30s.

People say, “If you want to get married and start your family or find yourself in a specific place of their career, in your thirties usually when they imagine.””For those who have achieved certain goals and milestones, they may be surprised if they are not happy as expected.”

Lulie gently wraps this gap between expectations and reality as “surprise.”However, I and many friends felt that they had not demonstrated their possibilities, and often suffered from frustration.

Pressure seeking happiness in my 30s

The peak of happiness depends on the age group depending on the research. For example, psychologists look at raw data.”This research shows that people are happy with age,” said Professor Sonia Ryubomi Ski, who is studying happiness at the University of California Riverside School. The curve will be the lowest when around the age of 45-50. For example, it controls many variables, such as the difference between rich and poor. “

Happiness is a very difficult concept. In my favorite research, people in their 30s and 70s asked the question of which age group was the happiest. Both groups answered in their thirties, but after asking each group about their subjective happiness, the 70s scored a higher score.

“Economicist Hanes Schwant has been found to make a systematic error when predicting his satisfaction in his life cycle.

For Americans, happiness has become the ultimate sel f-development project and spures the pressure in his thirties. Thanks to my wise therapist friend, I spent a lot of time in my early 30s. The abstract happiness rules (pursuing passion! Never gave up! It will not fail!) And focused on replacing personal and professional satisfaction with a more specific and clear definition.

If you are in your thirties, you may be positive. Psychotherapy, Alison Cohen, says that he is more “aged” than his twenties. As my wishes are clear, as Louie said eloquently, the equipment for fighting is in place.

I like how Shosa Hect, a therapist and coach, summarizes the age of 30s.”In my twenties, the cynicism of what is possible has not yet come out, and I haven’t come to say,” I know I don’t know because I know. “”When.

Then what should I do? The age of 30 may be an age to hear good advice in life. Don’t compare yourself with others. Practice gratitude. Accept the beautiful, miscellaneous and ordinary adult life that many of us send. Don’t overtake your vision of your life. To respond flexibly. Compare what you want and what you think, and adjust accordingly.

However, in this overwhelming ten years, it is necessary to exceed the solution of sel f-esteem. We live in the era when journalist Barbara Ehrenreich calls “Relentless Optimism”. Ere n-like dismantles the premise of sel f-development, saying, “The real problem in our lives is not discrimination, poverty, bad human relationships or unfair bosses.”But their failures. Think about positive or practical precautions, “taking personal responsibilities”, and counting blessings.”Many of the problems we are facing are not positive psychology, but need a policy solution.”

Also, if you are in your thirties, you will always fail, so you need to intervene earlier to teach you that failure is also necessary for growth and valuable. I am almost unhappy or almost unhappy, whether it is a matter of course, whether it is a praise, or the result of taking risks. I came to understand that there was a difference between being done. I have no idea how to deal with social media comparison issues, but we all know that there is a comparative problem.

I am 38 years old, but in the last five years I had more twists and turns than I had imagined, and there were big mistakes and great success. The forties may be because they have an ominous feeling that they don’t care, but they are now accepting honestly compared to the first half of the last 10 years.

“Welcome to middl e-aged!” Recently, a friend gave me an email for these 30 ideas.”Isn’t it good to notice that betting is not as expensive in the past?”

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